Big Brother 7 has started. Quarter of a year of televisual depravity that the Poorhouse wouldn't even contemplate watching a minute of let alone setting up mega complex multichannel recording schedules to avoid missing even a second of the meaningless drivel. The presence of the BB gossip headlines down towards the bottom of the right hand column of this website is...a computer error we imagine.

So they picked the 14 crazies to go in, but there's one left. It could be you. The deal is you buy plenty of Kit Kats, and find one out of a hundred golden tickets - does this story sounds familiar? Out of those 100, 1 person will supposedly get to go be a Big Brother contestant, subject to security, medical, and "will you get your boobs out" checks.

Most people only want to laugh at the freaks rather than be one and ,moreover, like a pile of money. Ergo, eBay is seeing a nice influx of people trading tickets (or not) for large sums of money. It should be emphasised that by large we mean silly large.

The first golden ticket to be offered on ebay had bids of over five million pounds last time the Poorhouse checked. Just to put this into perspective, having a ticket gives you a less-than-huge 1 percent chance of being the contestant, and the prize money for winning Big Brother is a mere hundred thousand. This particular ticket was sadly removed by Mr Ebay before completion due to the seller's terms of trade. But there's a fair few trades available, with some serious six-figure amounts being bandied around.

The best part is that almost all of the time, the sellers are actually selling either unopened Kit Kats that might contain a ticket, or a promise that if they find a ticket they'll hand it over. The buyers don't care though. Convinced by some of the more dubious maths to hit the information superhighway "THE WINNER WILL RECEIVE 1 KIT KAT BAR WHICH ALTHOUGH NOT A GUARANTEED WIN IT WILL GIVE YOU 100% MORE CHANCE THAN YOU NOT BUYING ONE!" people are bidding a cool £10 million upwards for a standard 35 pence Kit Kat. That is quite some markup.

If that genius trickery isn't enough to convince you, enter the heartstring-puller. It's all for someone else, honest. To quote from ebay item 6631237348 "UNLIKE ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE ON HERE I AM NOT SELLING THIS FOR SELF GAIN".

Lovely, but..."I WILL SPLIT 50-50 WITH A CHARITY OF MY CHOICE". 50-50? Your choice? "I DONT WANT A PENNY OUT OF IT".

May the Poorhouse suggest you review your ratio mathematics and do a 0:100 split with the larger section going to the charity.

Just in case eBay shuts all these auctions down forthwith, let it be said that at the time of publication Golden Tickets - or more often chances at Golden Tickets - are going for between 0.01p and £10 million pounds, with some at £510, £51, £2, £0.99 and £2.50 being the closest to completion.

The Poorhouse's current favourite item is this Kit Kat which having been made before the promotion started is guaranteed not to have a golden ticket in. In their words: "if you would like to enjoy a KitKat Chunky without the worry of having to appear on big brother then bid away". This item is currently going for £51 after 7 bids, although the seller has reserved the right to withdraw it if they get hungry.