For the past 71 years or so, dialling 999 from a phone in Britain has got you the emergency services. For the past 71 years or so it seems that people haven't got much wiser as to what the word "emergency" actually means.

Ringing up with nonsense clearly annoys the cops et al. not to mention puts people with genuine emergencies at risk, so what better way to find a silver lining in such annoyances as to create a comedy-classic CD of the dumbest 999 calls to be found?

Luckily some were also shoved on the interwebs by the kind, if frustrated, police in Cambridgeshire, where 80% of the emergency calls they receive are in fact not emergencies.

Download these bad boys to hear idiots that really need to know the date, aren't loving nearby pole dancing, cannot get adequate DIY resources ("Homebase? This isn't a life or death situation, is it madam?"), need a haircut and, last but not least, a sweet but increasingly annoyed elderly-sounding lady who wants to have a chat with the Prime Minister.