Merry Christmas, dearest readers - or Happy Holiday Season if that's your preference. Either way, get opening, eating, celebrating and the rest of it.

The Poorhouse felt an extra level of celebratory antics coming on when a letter popped through the door recently from those bastions of the obesity epidemic: McCains. It stated in black and white, amongst other things, that the Poorhouse was a winner. Check it:

The thrills of free holidays to exotic locations (well, OK, wherever the fanciest Center Parcs resort is; Sherwood Forest seems to be a popular one) rushed through the Poor-brain. Joy! Excitement! Best prize to date! It might even make up for the copious amounts of chip-themed spam.

Erm, sadly not. In what can only be described as heart-rendering disappointment, the following sentence proved a) the art of sarcasm is not dead (c.f. "the great news is...") amd b) it's back to relying on Santa for a good time.

A Hessian Bag. Didn't Hessian become outdated in the year 1350 of our Lord? The Poorhouse really, really tries not to look a gift-horse in the mouth but the mental journey from an all-expenses paid holiday for you and your nearest & dearest to a commercially-branded-so-much-its-unusable "Hessian bag" is something of a long one. Joyeaux Noel.

PS: On the other hand, if you'd like an exclusive exciting strong and wonderful McCains bag, paypal me at least £150 + fees and it's yours.