Ha! World, you may have mocked me, shook your head in weary bemusement, wondered why I had to emulate a stereotypical old woman quite so accurately but now it's time to laugh on the other side of your face. Yes, it's about knitting again. I actually made something "useful" - or at least visible and categorisable. That most needed of garments coming up to a global-warming enhanced British summer - a scarf.

No responsibility is taken by the Poorhouse for any fainting, fits and the like resulting from viewing the creation below.

Beautiful no? Key stats:

• Width - 15cm
• Length - 228cm
• Strong as - 10

Look at the intricate woolly loveliness.

Ahh, if only they made pillows, carpets, walls, or anything else that needs a level of extraordinary comfort, from this kind soft interlocking knotted material.

For added manliness, a small but perfectly formed fringe was added no less.

Do not pretend you're not jealous.

Credit for the inspiration, making et al. must go to all the people that have made me what I knitting-am today. I'll mention no names for fear of slander (but feel free to make yourselves known), but really think of it not as my scarf, but a beautiful baby, raised and loved by a large community of the Poorhouse nearest and dearest.

Not being quite as fashion-oriented as Dr Who the Fourth (see his triumphant scarf via Bill Rudloff's scarf history article - if you don't get a seizure from trying to read it. Full marks though for attempting to recreate the famous scarf as a tiled jpeg html background) that wasn't the end of the problems. Yes, now there has been a creation of a wonderous magnificent and entirely improbably garment ready for use, but, having never been much of a scarf-wearer before, the methodology of wearing proved quite traumatic. How do you wear a scarf and not look like a fool? Millions of people do it every day (maybe) but it's not necessarily something you're born with.

Check the below three largely failed attempts, the latter of which was the final decision regarding social suitability based on a bevy of Poorhouse fashion advisors pointing out that you can fold cloth in two.

Man about town: symmetric, one way, or double-width looped through?

NB: Yes - these are dodgy out of focus shots-done-in-a-mirror when it was too dark to take pictures anyway. Where's the paparazzi (or friends that wouldn't laugh when presented with such a challenge) when you need them?