VP shoots republican donor shockA couple of weeks ago one of the Bush administration took their lust for shiny guns and brutal violence a little further than even usual and personally shot someone. US Vice President Dick Cheney - possibly the second most powerful man in the world - got confused between the quail he was on a hunt for, and Mr Harry Whittington, one of his pals who was also after shooting said bird.

In the words of Katharine Armstrong, the owner of the Texas ranch they were hunting on: "The covey flushed and the vice-president picked out a bird and was following it and shot. And by God, Harry was in the line of fire and got peppered pretty good".

For people who are neither members of the Countryside Alliance or familiar with Texas drawl, the Poorhouse deciphers this linguistic marvel as meaning that Harry was penetrated by Dick's "pellets". VP Cheney, by the way, should never have been there, as he did not possess the correct license to legally allow him to shoot quail. It is unknown at this stage whether his license for shooting humans is up to date, or whether a further disciplining will be needed.Quail: You can see why he missed

Also there it has been reported that whilst Cheney kindly allowed his personal entourage of ambulance / secret service staff to look after the unfortunate Mr Whittingon, he didn't bother to go make any statement either to the police, or for that matter the public at large, for a good 18 hours or so. It is presumably just a coincidence that this would be enough time for any alcohol in his system to be flushed out. Like hunting without a license, hunting whilst under the influence is also banned - but Cheney only had "a beer" at lunch (albeit of unspecified quantity or strength) and the Poorhouse is sure his vibrant Vice-Presidential metabolism is set up in such a way that a mere beer is not enough to impair his gun-toting judgement.

It is not however known whether or not the VP had none, one or many beers before his famous statement in 2002 that there "no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction"; a statement which has so far been proven to be about as accurate as his shotgun aim.

Whittington: Does he look like a bird?The story has a happy ending: Whittington is pretty much fine (despite a brief heart attack) and Cheney is free to go about his everyday business. Apparently it's not a big deal; on discussing the VP shooting a fellow citizen she said that "This is something that happens from time to time".

Tough as Texas life likely is, the Poorhouse can only imagine that she has recently holidayed in Iraq, where members of the Bush administration regularly cause, albeit indirectly, plenty of shooting of random citizens, although it should be noted usually of a different skin-colour.

She went on to say that "I've been peppered pretty well myself" which is not something the Poorhouse felt it needed to know.

Feeling left out? Wish you had been shot by Cheney? Well now thanks to iwontheinternet.com you can win friends and impress colleagues with a genuine-ish CNN news report proving you were the happy victim of the shooting.

Once you've been there, why not buy the T-shirt? Thank you to The White House Officious Gift Shop for unknowingly donating the illustration accompanying this article.