The Poorhouse got all excited once his regular news search for perversions in Sheffield (the Poorhouse's special place, rather than a consequence of his deep love for ex-industrial spoon-making towns) popped up with a nice result or too. Who wouldn't read on and feel a level of local pride upon reading this?

...one of a range of odd items medics in Sheffield have had to remove from people's backsides or genitals.

It's good to be famous for something.

Of course, this is the classic old story where a guy turns up to a hospital with inappropriate object X rammed up his arse. The twist here is that the person concerned is a presumably respectable 50 year old vicar. Instant comedy value double-up!

He "told nurses he had been hanging curtains when he fell backwards on to his kitchen table", and would you believe "he happened to be nude at the time of the mishap". The inevitable result? A potato got jammed up his jacksy, requiring hospitalisation and indeed surgery. Rough.

He apparently "insisted he had not been playing a sex game" which, given the nurse dealing with the situation claims not to have questioned his factual recount of the tale in any way, is far too much of an intense denial to actually not be the 100% truth.

A hospital trust spokeswoman in Sheffield said: "Like all busy hospitals we do see some unusual accidents.

"But our staff deal with them in a discreet, professional and kind way."

(emphasis added for the sake of non-Alanis irony). Yep, so discreet it only featured in the odd national paper or two. So, Sheffield church-goers, if your 50ish year old male vicar had a week or two off back in October with signs of surgery taking place, well, watch out for him when it comes to the Harvest Festival service.

Bonus fact: some of the things Sheffielders like to insert into their rectums include:

• a can of deodorant
• a cucumber
• a Russian doll
• a carnation