The Poorhouse is aware you're all waiting with baited breath for part two of the beetroot experiment, but unfortunately due to time constraints it might have to wait a couple of days. In the mean time, to make up for this outrageous delay, please have a cup of tea on us. Visitors to the real-life Poor house will be aware that that offer is unlikely to actually materialise any time soon there, so instead grab a free sample of Yaaaarkshire tea. They even have specialist freebies for if you have "hard water"

It might be nice if you also had a shave, you haggard old mess. We can't have you turning up here looking like Terry Waite's allotment now can we? Go grab a free reasonably fancy disposable razor from the Quattro Titanium site. Click "Discover Quattro Titanium" then "Grab your free sample" and fill in the form. It does take forever to come...but come it does!